Chapter 1

ALANA   When was the last time that I longed for warmth?
That kind of heat that I felt in those moments when the sunlight shone over my face... That warm feeling when my spirits brightened when the feeling of hope bloomed inside my heart... The feeling of passion when electricity ran down my spine that very moment when I first looked in the eyes of my mate... The feeling of warmth whenever I felt my mother's touch...
Those were the things that cheered my soul and filled my heart with contentment and joy... with happiness... Those things... that I have long forgotten...
I looked at my mother's hand that was intertwined with mine. Her fingers were cold, the kind of coldness that went straight into my soul. My heart clenched as I forced myself to smile.
"Mom..." I whispered with my hoarse voice. "It's been ten years... When will you open your eyes?" I choked, overwhelming bitterness welled in my heart.
My mother wheezed. Her breathing was getting weaker and weaker. Her presence became more and more faint. In this cruel world, she was breathing her last...
I wanted to cry, but my tears had long dried in my eyes. I wanted to scream, but something was stuck in my throat, preventing me from uttering a single word. I felt like I was being swallowed by a never-ending darkness that was slowly engulfing me until I was left with nothing.
My hands trembled as I felt my mother's hand growing colder and colder. At that moment, all that I could do for my mother, my only refuge and strength... the only one who had shown me warmth... was to hold her hands as I desperately clung to the remaining portion of her life...
Suddenly, I felt a force on my hair, pulling me away from my mother. My eyes widened as pain pierced my scalp. With my body shaking, I looked at the tall man to whom I had dedicated my entire life and being...
It was my mate, Harold...
Harold looked at me, his eyes filled with coldness and disgust. Yet, I was neither hurt nor disappointed. No, I did not feel anything at all. When was the last time I felt warm when I looked at him? I wondered as I looked into his eyes. Almost a decade had passed since I dedicated my life to him. But all those times, he had never shown me any love or affection. All he had given me were feelings of disgust and contempt.
It was the same as that moment... When I was engulfed with that indescribable pain of a daughter who was sending her mother to death, my mate had an annoyed expression on his face...
Harold saw my wretched condition and his brows furrowed with disgust. "What are you doing here? I told you I have important visitors coming. Why haven't you cooked and cleaned yet?" he roared.
"I... I'm sorry. But my mom... I want to accompany her..." I held my arms tight to minimize my shaking.
"You... useless, wolfless woman! You can't do anything right!" Harold yelled before I felt a painful slap on my face. "Hurry and go to the kitchen. Now!"
"H-Harold... My mom... She is d-dying..." My voice trembled as I said the words that were like painful knives stabbing my heart...
Instead of giving me comfort, my mate let out a sarcastic laugh. "Dying? She's been dying for ten years already!" Harold yelled before grabbing my arm. "Hurry up! I can't screw this dinner up!" He said before he started forcefully dragging me out of the room. Suddenly, I felt something coming from my mother's direction. My eyes shook as I looked at my mother...
On top of her chest, a white circle of light started to appear. Each passing second, the light became clearer and clearer until it began to shine.
"No..." I whispered with a rough voice.
I did not know what was going on. My mother was human. There should not be that kind of unexplainable occurrence around her. But for some reason, I somehow understood. That white light was my mother's life seeping away from her body, slowly leaving her!
"No!!" I screamed. With all my might, I yanked my hands away from Harold's grip. Unfortunately, he was a full-blooded wolf and had the strength that I did not have, so I was not able to shake him off.
"Bitch! What the hell are you doing?!" Harold roared as he pulled me with greater force.
"N-no... Mom...! No... Let me go!!!"
"Please let me hold her. Please let me hold my mom!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My mother was dying. All I wanted was to hold her cold hands as she goes and leaves me forever. Like an abandoned faucet that was finally opened after a decade, my emotions started pouring out and I started to feel hysterical.
But my cruel mate completely disregarded me. He even roughly yanked me away before he finally noticed that something was going on. Suddenly, the light on top of my mother's chest flashed. Harold was perplexed and unintentionally let go of me. "What the hell is that? These freaks...!" Harold said as he watched my mother with wide eyes.
Without wasting any moment, I ran to my mother, hoping against hope that she was still there, desperately wishing that there was still remaining life in her... so that I could hold her, so that she would not leave this cruel world alone. But the moment I held her cold, lifeless hands, I knew that I was late.
I looked at my mother's beautiful face and I felt my soul was slowly being ripped apart. If it was pain that I felt, then it was the kind of pain that was unspeakable, unbearable. It was as if I was living in a world of darkness, with nothing... not even the feeling of warmth left for me.
"Ha..." I let out a harsh sigh as my eyes were filled with brutal sadness.
Where did it start going wrong? Was it when my father went missing after searching for my mother's cure? Was it when I turned fourteen and was not able to establish a connection with my wolf?
Or was it when I stubbornly clung on to Harold despite his initial rejection, hoping that someday, I could move his heart and he would properly recognize me as his mate?
Cruel agony filled my heart, making me want to let out a howl. And for the first time in so many years, I felt a wet sensation coming from my eyes. I lifted a hand to wipe it away. Surprisingly, instead of the clear tears, there were red marks on my fingers. I was crying bloody tears! I let out a cold laugh, emotion was wiped from my eyes.
"If only I could turn back the time..." I thought as I looked at the dark sky without any emotions. "I would... definitely won't cling to the hopeless things who abandoned me...
"Like my father... My wolf...
"My mate...
As I blankly looked at the sky, I did not notice that the white light on top of my mother's chest spun slightly before it started to envelop my body.
That night, I closed my eyes, ready to surrender everything. Unbeknownst to me, the light completely surrounded me. And for the first time in a long time, I felt the feeling of warmth... as my consciousness faded, and I fell into a restful sleep.
I did not know how much time had passed. But when I opened my eyes, I was already in a different place.
"W-where am I?" My hands shook as I looked around. A thin yet familiar wall... a small closet with a broken foot... An old door that I recognized... a familiar wooden bed...
My eyes widened as I hurriedly sat up, my heart was beating wildly.
"T-this..." I mumbled as my entire body started to tremble.
"I-isn't this..."
"My old bedroom from ten years ago?!"

ALANA   I hugged my legs and buried my face on my knees. My mind was filled with confusion and disbelief.   "W-what happened?" I thought. Inside my chest, my heart was beating wildly.   "I was in my mother''s room... My mother left... Then there was this light..." I mumbled to myself as my body started to tremble, remembering the worst memory that I ever had.   "The light enveloped me, then I started to feel warm... Then... Then I think I fell asleep..." I softly whispered as my mind raced.   "How come I''m seeing my old room?" Lifting my eyes, I carefully glanced around me. The small, run-down, yet very familiar room immediately greeted me. It was my bedroom that I had from my childhood until I met Harold. An overwhelming feeling appeared in my heart before I stared down at my shaking hands. "And... Why do my hands look smoother?"   Ever since I was old enough to work, my hands have never become smooth. But when I met him—when I met Harold, I was basically treated like a slave and my hands became so rough from calluses and injuries I incurred from doing heavy work.   "The burn and whip marks are not here... My hands... they look how they were a few years ago... Before I met him..." I murmured as a dangerous thought flashed in my mind. My heart skipped a beat before my entire body froze.   "C-could... Could it really be?" My voice shook before, with all the energy I could muster, I hurriedly stood up and ran out of my bedroom. True enough, what I saw was the small, familiar house. It was really our old house! My knees shook as I took careful yet hurried steps towards the opposite door of my room. It was my mother''s old bedroom. I raised my hand, wanting to knock, but stopped myself as fear engulfed my heart.   I was afraid... Afraid that when I opened the door, my mother would not be there and realize that it was only a dream that my mind made in order to trick me. I was very afraid... to accept that she has really left me... forever. Thus, for several minutes, I merely stood there in front of my mother''s bedroom, frozen in the fear of uncertainty. It was only after a while when I finally shook my head and let out a small smile.   "No... I experienced so much. What worse could happen to me?" I whispered as I closed my eyes, years of painful memories resurfaced in my head.   "My mother has really left me. If there''s a hope where I could see her and be with her again, even if it''s only a dream, I should grab that hope and hold on to it with everything that I have..."   I mustered all the courage that I had. Then, I let out a sigh before holding the doorknob and carefully opening the door. When I saw what was inside, my entire body trembled and I let out a sob.   In the small and old bed, a woman was sleeping. She looked fragile and pale, yet her beauty was beyond comparison. My heartbeat quickened as tears started flooding my eyes.   "Could this really be... a dream?" I thought as I carefully sat beside my mother and held her warm hand. Even though she still looked sickly, my mother was still indeed alive.   "Even if it is a dream, please... I don''t want to wake up from it..." I softly whispered as I gently laid beside my mother, holding her close, and I could feel her beating heart and stable breathing.   Everything felt so real that I slowly had to acknowledge it... For some reason, my wish seemed to have come true. Somehow, it seemed I have gone back in time... The time before everything happened, the time before I met Harold and dedicated my everything to him.   My body shook as emotions started flooding my eyes.   It started with a single tear. Soon, warm tears started streaming down my face and I started sobbing. I cried. I did not know how long, but I cried. For several minutes to even hours, I cried and let out all the feelings that I had carefully hidden inside my heart.   I let it all out. All of my pain, my suffering, my frustrations, and desperations... All of my agony and anguish that I buried deep in my soul. Until the tears once again dried out in my eyes and the only emotion that was left in my heart was cold determination.   I did not know how it happened. No matter how.

 Thought about it, I would not be able to explain what was the light that came out of my human mother''s chest while she was dying. I would not be able to understand why I was sent back to time like how I desperately wished to.

 "But... I don''t care," I muttered as a cold glint flashed in my eyes. "No matter what the reason is... I don''t care. I don''t even care whether this is a dream or not... What''s important is that I returned back in time and have the opportunity to reverse those decisions that I made," I added before pressing my mother''s hand on my face. "You don''t know how much I regretted it. But now... Now I have the chance to save you, Mom..." I softly whispered, my eyes shone with perseverance.

 Despite my actions, my mother did not wake up, making me let out a deep sigh. My mother had a unique condition. From the moment I was born, my mother started sleeping more and more. It came to the point when the hours when she was awake became less and less, until she fell asleep completely and did not wake up.

 Ten years ago, before I met Harold, my mother could still manage to wake up for about four hours a day. If I was correct about everything, then my mother''s condition would be the same. I shook my head before carefully sitting up.

 "I''m sorry, Mom. I shouldn''t disturb you," I softly whispered before fixing my mother''s blanket. "Now what I have to do... is to make preparations then meet him," I added as my eyes shone with resoluteness.

 A day later, I was standing in the middle of a crowd. In front of me was the tall, familiar face that I have loved and longed for more than a decade. Harold looked at me, shock was apparent in his eyes.

 "What?! How could this happen to me?! How could a filthy, wolf-less omega be my mate?!"